RELATIONSHIP: What To Look For In A Partner

By Terfa Naswem

Relationships are very important. They help us to learn more about ourselves and about people of the same or different nationalities, races, tribes, and genders. It will be very difficult and even impossible for courtship or marriage to take place without a relationship between one person and another.

In particular, for love relationship to take place and flourish; there are many things that must be incorporated in a relationship that is intended to become a love relationship.

No two relationships are exactly alike or develop in just the same way; however, healthy relationships have some things in common. First, each partner in a healthy relationship must have a positive self-image. Once you feel strong and sure of yourself, you are better to know what to look for in a partner.

Second, you should be aware; always that love develops in stages. Love cannot be rushed. Once you find an appropriate partner, do not give in to the temptation to try “Hurry things along” by skipping early phases of development. These early times provide the foundation of a strong relationship later on. Be patient.

I have witnessed many relationships and marriages that got broken up because the partners were not patient during the beginning stages of their relationships. They did not take time to study each other comprehensively. Their lack of patience made them not to know much of the likes and dislikes of one another or characters that would be ignored, tolerated or not tolerated. When conflicts arose, they were unable to be resolved amicably thereby leading to the breakup of the relationships and divorce. In searching for a partner, it is good to look for qualities that can help you establish a lasting relationship and marriage.

In their book HEALTH: MAKING LIFE CHOICES, second edition, Sizer-Webb, Eleanor, DeBruyne (1999) write that in thinking about a person who interests you, you should make sure that the person has time and energy available for love. Such people:

  • Are not involved in other love relationships
  • Have not just recently broken up with someone else
  • Are open to be in a relationship with you
  • Are free from chemical or psychological addictions (people with addictions to alcohol or other drugs, or with eating disorders cannot function well in love relationships).
  • Have time to devote to a relationship
  • Have high self-esteem
  • Are close to you geographically – they live in your city or state

In addition, the person must be compatible with you in terms of social values and beliefs. To evaluate these factors, see if you can honestly answer yes to the following questions:

Does the person have several close friends? A person who has learned to keep and enjoy close relationships can put this talent to work in a love relationship.

If the relationship folded, would you still want that person as a friend? Without friendship, the relationship may crumble during times of conflict.

Are you happy with the way the person treats other people? Watch how the person deals with school employees, waitresses, maids, sales clerks, and close friends. If you would not want to be on the receiving end of that behavior, do not get involved. You may be an exception during courtship, but you will not be later on.

You can be friends with people who lack these qualities, but beware of deeper relationships until these problems are resolved.

Also, be sure that you are available for a relationship because if you are too busy to be close to your partner in a relationship, it will lack the time and energy it needs to grow.


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